Happy Birthday To Me

Wow... I haven't posted on this since 2012.  That's insane.

Another thing that's insane is: today, I am 39 years old.

Thirty-freaking-nine.

...

How did this happen already?  I still feel very much like a child inside.  I still have fears, doubts, insecurities, etc.  I still have hopes and dreams.  I still struggle with some things that only God knows about.  I still need my parents to be there for me and I never feel as at peace with things as I do when they are nearby, (they are coming to see me for my birthday later today and I am SO looking forward to it! Yay!).

Thirty-nine.  Years.  Old.

I have children of my own.  Four, in total.  Three that I have fathered and one that I ...step-father(?).  lol
She has her father in her life and I mostly feel like she views me as a nuisance and that's okay -- I would never want to replace someone's father anyway, but I do discipline her more than anyone else in her life, hopefully it eventually pays off.  She's a very smart girl with great potential ahead of her, if she will just embrace it.
My oldest is my only son and he will be turning 17 later this month, that also blows my mind.  It truly is amazing how fast the years go by...  I can still vividly remember the day (night) he was born.  I can still remember his first day of kindergarten and how emotional it was to take him to school that day.  He's as tall as I am now (if not already a little taller) and he's growing into a great young man and I am very proud to be his dad.  I love his passion for music... pretty sure it's in his genes.  I got it from my dad, and he got it from his.
My oldest daughter is 15 and will soon be finishing up her freshman year of high school, which is also insane to me as well.  She is an amazing young lady who keeps a smile on my face with her somewhat goofy antics (hey, she gets it honest!) and I love how excited she gets when she talks about things that interest her.  She has always been the one to give me a hug when I need it the most, ever since she was a toddler.  She keeps a smile on my face as well as in my heart.
My youngest daughter is just over 3 and a half years old and was an unexpected blessing in my life.  I thought I was completely done having children but - surprise! - was I ever wrong.  Haha...  She has really enhanced my life in so many ways already, I couldn't possibly imagine a life without her.  She is such a bright addition to my world and she brings me great joy each and every day.  The outpouring of love I felt from the first moment I saw her, and the first moments I held her, has really been overwhelming at times - in a good way.  I'm so glad that I have been able to be here with her every step of the way so far in her life, unlike with my oldest two when they were apart from me for quite some time when they were very young.

Thirty...nine...yearssssssssssss......

I'm married, again, to a wonderful woman that I butt heads with often but who I know loves me very much.  We are very much opposites in many ways, but she has completed my life in far more ways.  She's a beautiful, short, fiery firecracker (I swear, sometimes I think she should've been born a redhead!  lol) that sparks up my life with raw emotion.  She has her likes and dislikes and they don't always mesh with mine, but we have found common ground in enough things to keep us happy.  She's a wonderful mommy and a fabulous chef (not a cook, that's too commonplace for what she does!) and she's my best friend.  I love her tremendously.  <3

39!

I'm already dreading next year's birthday.
However, I'm glad I'm surrounded by so much love in my life.

Here's hoping whoever is reading this is as blessed as I am.

Happy Birthday to me!