Saying Goodbye To The Past

(Originally posted by me on another blog on July 19, 2008)
Saying Goodbye To The Past

Current mood:contemplative

I thought of you today...

Amidst all the talking and laughing of people nearby

In a familiar place I'd only seen in passing by

Over the past ten, eleven, twelve years

While I've struggled with facing so many fears

Fighting back tears... although those moments

have been less and less... but I digress.

I thought of you today...

How once I was so happy with you

How everything back then was so fresh and so new

Before the downfall, before the demise

Before your constant string of lies

...came crashing down... under pale grey skies.

I thought of you today...

And our time there before

I stood by a tree and stared at the shore

I inhaled the last winds of death

And I exhaled it all out with one final breath

...finally, at long last -- I can live with my past.

Why?

(Originally posted by me on another blog on July 3, 2008)
Why?

Current mood:blah

(I posted this annonymously on craigslist a few days ago... just thought I'd put it here, too.)

Why is my specialty impossible relationships?
Why is the timing never right?
Why is the feeling never mutual?
Why can't I get up enough courage to speak up and say something?
Why am I so shy?
What's there to really lose?
Why do I still let the past get to me at times?
Why are there so many deceitful people in this world?
What do they expect to gain from causing so much pain?
Why do I feel like I have so much to offer someone - yet, I'm alone?
Why must my children grow up only having one parent in their lives?
Why, if everyone says I'm such a "great guy", why am I single?

I'm tired......of so much.

I hate being alone.
I hate feeling unwanted.
I hate feeling unloved.
I hate feeling like I'm never good enough.
I hate never being good enough.
I hate this game life plays.......

"...makes ya think you're everything they ever said you were."