Just thinking.... a lot.
You can't please all the people all the time...
Words that are very true... It seems I've spent most of my life trying to make other people happy, always concerned with someone else's happiness and - I guess - hoping that in making someone else happy, that it would reflect upon me and make me happy as well.
I don't think I even know what true happiness really is for myself. Of course, my kids make me happy... seeing them enjoy themselves; seeing them do well in school; seeing them just play and interact with other children ...all of these things (and so much more) really bring a huge smile to my face, but more than just that.. it makes me beam inside.
But I'm not referring to that kind of happiness. I'm referring to something similar to the bond that my parents share. They just celebrated their 34th anniversary just over a week ago. I know I'm very fortunate to not only have such awesome parents as I do, but to also have parents who have stuck it out thru thick and thin and that are still married.
But that's just it... they actually truly and deeply love and care for each other with a love that not many people of this world would understand. And I guess I'm spoiled(?) because I have seen that as an example my whole life and I want the same. Of course, I thought I had found such a thing 11 years ago or else I would've never gotten married.
People have often told me to focus on the positive things in life.. such as my kids, which has of course been the biggest positive thing in my life ever since they were born... but there's always been that one thing missing from my life......
Anyway, I know all too well what it's like to have past relationships fail and leave you questioning everything... I know what it's like to have haunting memories linger over me that constantly mess with my head, especially when they're still very recent - those times were the worst. It is somewhat true that it gets better over time, but I don't believe in the saying that "time heals all wounds" -- It may make it easier, but if certainly doesn't heal them.
So... I'm not sure what the purpose of me typing all this out is, it probably doesn't even make any sense. I just felt the need to type and see what came out.
The reason behind me typing this out is that I spent this past weekend hanging out with an amazing woman who has some of the most awesome children I've ever met and, for a while now, I've really felt a connection with her and this weekend only intensified it... but she's kind of in that place I mentioned a few paragraphs above -- where wounds are still fresh and she's constantly struggling with memories, etc. etc.
I just want her, and everyone, to know that I know all too well this place that's she's at in regards to all of this... I want her to know that I'm here for her, whenever she needs me.
She really is an amazing person, ...and I've never met any other kids before that I thought were as awesome as my own. =)
